Checking In On Those Resolutions

Out of six possible angry bulldogs, how many did I receive?

I PROUDLY trumpeted my many New Year’s resolutions HERE, on my podcasts and to anyone who would listen. In the spirit of keeping myself honest and TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY*, here is how I’m doing so far.

*is “taking accountability” correct? They say it NONSTOP on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and every time they say it I convulse like I’m a marionette and the person operating my strings just sneezed. I went to look it up, absolutely sure this was an incorrect usage given that these ladies are not exactly brainiacs, no offense. Surely one can be held accountable and can BE accountable and you can take responsibility but can you TAKE accountability come on that’s not right. Unfortunately it’s been used in Wall Street Journal headlines and various other headlines and seems actually to be a correct usage of the term. I even asked my friend Ginny who gets bent out of shape over things like how everyone is suddenly saying “I appreciate you” instead of “I appreciate it” and even she didn’t think it was incorrect. You can imagine how confusing and upsetting, destabilizing really, this is to yours truly. Take accountability? This is where we are?

Teach Peter Tricks

Zero tricks have been taught but I did sign us up for an obedience class at Petco. Unfortunately I drove to the wrong location and was 20 minutes late for the first class. Given that I have taken classes with Wendy and with Oliver before her, I felt like I was fairly familiar with what they were doing. Everything was going swimmingly and the teacher even used Peter to demonstrate something but then Winnie, a big fat bulldog whom I initially liked did not appreciate when Peter put his face near her face and she barked and then lunged at him and took a chunk out of the air millimeters from his face. I’m still unsure if this was a “correction” or if she meant to bite him and missed but it left me a little worried. Also I am aware that Peter going up and sniffing her face is super uncool in the dog world and frankly what the fuck Peter.

what the fuck, Peter

Learn Photoshop/Video Editing

I still don’t know it! I have signed up for Opus clips and I am paying each month however recently a guest came on and she’d gone on a psilocybin retreat where her grandfather appeared and gave her life advice which she followed! I am trying to clip the part where she talks about shaking an anthropomorphic mushroom because she was upset at the advice and wanted different advice. I cannot figure out how to make this part a clip without regular editing like on iMovie which is what I’ll probably just do. But why pay for Opus Clips if I’m just going to use iMovie? Exactly.

Make My House Work for Me Instead of Against Me

This shit is still there

Ugh. Somehow everything has gotten worse?

Write Every Week

This one I am doing! I am crushing this one! I’m not sure it’s been every week because I wrote a ton at the beginning and then caught my breath but this is the closest to a success I would say.

Journal Every Day????

I mean not EVERY DAY because that’s insane but definitely more than I was before

Read Frequently

I was reading a lot but then I went back to the lure of my phone. Interestingly I was waiting for a zoom and I was nervous about it because anxiety is my new unwanted friend who is not actually new but whenever I feel anxiety I am like, “How funny! I don’t usually feel anxiety!” even though I say that a lot. Sort of like I didn’t think I was depressed, I just thought I was in a bad mood for 30 years. So the point is I was nervous and anxious and instead of scrolling I opened up the book I am reading (Told You So by Mayci Neely IF YOU MUST KNOW) and it calmed me right down.

About this book: it is obviously written by a ghostwriter because no Mormon wife/tennis player/regular person writes in a way that is so cleanly professional you don’t even notice the writing. It zips along. Whoever wrote this book, I applaud you.

Watch More Movies

I recently saw Dr. Strangelove (I was very confused about which character was played by Peter Sellers not realizing he plays three characters) but that was not because I was trying to see more movies. Not sure it counts.

Reconnect With Old Friends

I have texted with old friends and we have talked about getting together. It kind of counts. Wait, should I be giving myself a score? Out of a possible 2 I give myself a 1.

UPDATE: I DID get lunch with an old friend and it was delightful. I can’t believe I forgot to include this. 1.5!

Get Video Up And Running

I am closer to deciding how I want my studio to look and I asked Daniel to film me for my own private use so I could see how my nose looks in various angles. Unfortunately it made me realize my nose isn’t the problem as much as my entire face. When did it all become so… loose? I mean we’re talking sausage in loose casing. Plus some kind of vein/wrinkle situation that is hugging the outside of my eyebrow which by the way is so droopy? Eyebrows are supposed to arch up but mine have become flaccid. And I don’t know if the answer is more or less botox.

Refresh Graphics

Would love to do this some day

New Headshots

Like I’m excited to capture this baggy ballsack I call my face?

Put Bonus Episodes And Ringtones On Patreon

Why haven’t I done this? WHY?

Grow Patreon

I have new subscribers but they just took place of the old subscribers. It’s what we in the content creation and butter industries call churn.

Achieve Regularity

I need to take a shit right now!

Of fuck I forgot I was giving myself a score. Overall I would give myself 3 out of 6 scary bulldogs. Like I definitely have done some good stuff but there is room for improvement.

And there you have it!

How are yours going?

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Did you know I solicit product picks from my guests every week? Danielle Koenig recommends this book.

I’m back on the Instacart train. I tried to get off but there are just times (all of them) when I cannot get myself to a grocery store and it’s so much easier to just have it delivered. Use this code for $10 off your first Instacart order.

Also, are you using Rakuten? If not you are leaving money on the table when you shop online. Truly. Here’s a code.

I talked on my show recently about how I bought makeup and skincare from a few different excellent companies and when I went to return a few items the companies refunded my money but didn’t ask me to return the items. This makes me love them so much. Note: I don’t know if this is their policy always but it’s nice to know it’s truly truly 100% satisfaction guaranteed.

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