Older women are OBSESSED with whether your baby is warm enough and specifically whether it’s wearing socks. I noticed this when my first son was a wee scrawny newborn and my elderly landlord shot out of her upstairs apartment to congratulate me on his birth and ask why he wasn’t wearing socks.
My own mother made us stop at a store in the middle of a shopping excursion at an outdoor mall to buy him socks because he wasn’t wearing any, and she coudln’t handle it.
The first thing our first babysitter did every time she arrived on Tuesday and Thursdays at 2pm was add pants and socks to the uniform I kept him in which was just a onesie. Isn’t a onesie fully dressed for a baby? I wondered. To me, pants and socks on a newborn seemed like pants and socks on a dog. Like, you can do it, but it’s just for decoration.
He’s FINE, I insisted, when every post-menopausal woman in the greater Los Angeles area made his layers their business.
This morning that same baby, who is now seven, was leaving for school and I fretted about whether he was wearing a jacket.
“He’s fine, it’s going to be warm today,” my husband offered. It’s in the sixties now and going to be in the mid-seventies. My son was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. He was fine, this is true. But letting him potentially experience feeling cold felt almost physically intolerable to me.
I thought of all the times my mom seemed overly concerned with whether I had a jacket. I never understood why she cared so much. I never understood why those old ladies cared about socks so much.
Why was I overcome with such a primitive feeling?
It’s because he seems little and vulnerable to me and my job is to protect him, which means bundling him in Osh Kosh.
The thing about all those busybody older ladies sticking their nose in my business about his socks is that they were right. I insisted he was fine, and he was fine really, but he wasn’t sleeping well. He was a fussy baby and I was struggling as a first time mom. He didn’t seem cold to me in any way that I perceived but socks and pants and being bundled up is what’s most comfortable for a baby.
And if your reaction is to say, “You don’t know my baby, he doesn’t need socks,” I have one question for you: Do you still get regular periods? Because I defy you to find one menopausal lady who doesn’t think your baby needs socks. It’s possible our lack of estrogen is curdling our brains but I actually think we are relying on ancient feminine wisdom, suddenly accessible to us now that we’ve entered this new ridiculous phase of life. Plus, we are experiencing hot flashes and night sweats so the fact we’re demanding extra layers for your baby when we ourselves want to peel off our skin and fan ourselves with it means we feel really strongly.
For years I drank 5+ cups of coffee a day. I know it sounds ludicrous but I basically drank coffee nonstop all day every day. I would drink a cup in the evening and insist I can drink coffee and then fall asleep. It doesn’t affect me like that I claimed. I also experienced insomnia every night. I did not put these two things together, which I know is insane.
This, to me, is akin to insisting my baby, who is fussy and crying, does not need socks. One time I was holding him and on the phone with our vet to discuss our dog. My baby started crying. “Sounds like someone’s hungry,” the vet, who was much older, said. “Oh, actually he’s not hungry,” I explained. I’m not sure what I thought was going on. Was he crying about the stock market?
I’ve also, in my old age, become concerned when I see a fresh new baby unswaddled. Doesn’t anyone swaddle their baby anymore, I wonder. I was once at a party and there was a couple and their very newborn baby and they were holding the unswaddled baby outside. The baby was wearing just a onesie. If you’re post-menopausal you probably just reached for your smelling salts.
The baby was so new it was all gangly limbs. Like a baby giraffe.
“That baby needs to be swaddled,” I hissed to my husband. I looked at the couple. They were young and overwhelmed. They were also tattooed and wearing vintage clothing. They were beautiful, but clearly didn’t know jack shit about having a newborn. Of course I didn’t say anything, because I still got periods, but I was troubled.
What is my point? I don’t know. Those annoying old ladies know a thing or two, I guess, is what I’m trying to say. And also I am one of them now.
Product Pick Corner
Gonna experiment with featuring one product I love or that comes highly recommended each week. I am reading this book by Allison Winn Scotch and I can already tell I’m going to love it, even though I’m not that far into it, because reading takes me forever nowadays. I don’t typically read romances but it’s kind of bringing me back to the feeling of reading Sweet Valley High and I mean that as a compliment. I already feel sucked into this world.
Okay I lied I also want to share this eyeliner because it’s so affordable and rivals all of the more expensive eyeliners I own. I find myself reaching for it instead of the others and also repurchasing it frequently.
My husband is a Swiftie. Find out more.
this feels like a pair of small soft socks on my baby feet.
so gently and lovingly written. happy to have read it.
Well, to be honest, I've been that judgy old lady (bitch) my whole life about socks and bundling. Lol Babies do feel hot and cold differently than adults. Now that I'm post-menopausal, it seems I have crossed over to that naggy old lady. I hold my tongue most times but it is so difficult. 😂